2004-11-24 - 7:57 p.m.
You Know You're From Baltimore When... |
Your car, no matter what year it is has only three hubcaps. You a girl under 18 that has at least two chilren. Anywhere you go in the city you can see the two Television Towers. People give you a ten digit telephone number. You know how to get anywhere on the MTA. You can go 1 inch across the city line and know that you're out of the city. You've ever gotten 6 peices of chicken for $1.99 that fit on one slice of bread. Cops constantly pull your car over if you have an orange Maryland Tag. You've know where every Red Light Camera is. You've been to a church that is a reconditioned rowhouse You ignore every No Turn On Red Sign You've been to the store to buy a 40, a pack of cigarettes, a roll of toilet paper and nothing else. When the traffic light turns yellow you look over to the right for a red light camera. You've made it through downtown in 5 minutes. You still have SuperBowl 35 Flags on your car. Raven 34 Giants 7. You have a car sound system but no car. A trip to Washington DC includes a $13.00 Marc train Ticket. You could be 20 feet away from somebody and they will walk in front of your moving car to cross the street. The further away from the city you work, the better the pay is. It is Bawl-mer or Ball-tee-more - not "Baltimore", depending on if you live north or south of Rt. 40. You don't wash your clothes, you "warsh" them. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere, Baltimore has its own version of traffic rules.... "Hold on & pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore ... we all drive like that. All directions start with... "The Beltway...."....which has no beginning and no end. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 11am, the evening rush hour is from 1pm to 7pm... Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase "Oh, we're in GLIMBURNIE!" If someone actually has their turn signal on it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. All old ladies with blue hair and Buicks have the right of way. PERIOD The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85mph, anything less is considered downright sissy. If the humidity is 98+ and the temperature is 98+ it's May/June/July/August/September. If it is 10 degrees, it is Orioles Opening Day. If you go to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the "Ravens Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7500.00 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during Preakness ... run over him! It's probably not his yard anyway. HFStival is not only a yearly tradition but it is one of the biggest parties of the year You understand that Old Bay is essential to have a good meal Your entire high school senior class went to Ocean City for a senior week and it was the best week of your life You can pronouce Havre de Grace You understand that the Terps and the Ravens kick major ass You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Baltimore. |
| You Know You're From Maryland When... |
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You know more than 10 people who own boats and they all park them at the same marina in Annapolis You can pronounce and spell "Pocomoke," "Mattaponi," "Accokeek," and "Havre de Grace" You prononce "Bowie" BOO-ie not BOW-ie or BAUW-ie 1 hour is an easy commute to work You have more than three recipies for crabcakes French fries just don't taste right without Old Bay There are more than two crab places in your town Even your high school cafeteria made good crabcakes You got your first lacrosse stick before you were six years old You call all turtles "terrapins" You refer to your state as "Merlind" Your mother shops at Hecht's You still call Six Flags America "Adventure World", or even "Wild World" You still remember the Wild World commercial (Wild World's the cure for the summertime blues!) You can tell the difference between the smells of septic and marsh. You not only know how to eat hard crabs but you also know how to catch them, cook them and tell the males from the females. You don't think that Assawoman Bay is a strange name for a body of water. You know perfectly well why Rehoboth is called "Little San Francisco" M R Ducks makes perfect sense. So does C M Wangs. You think Salisbury is a big city. You think of dumplings as wet slippery squares of boiled dough. You and your boss take off of work when the fish are running or the ducks are flying in. You've eaten muskrat at a church dinner but think it's better the way you fix it. You think of "Dairy Queen" as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream. "Formal wear" is a ball cap, a flannel shirt and Timberlands. You still root for the Orioles even when they suck You'll never understand why tourists come to DC. When in Florida, you can only laugh when you see signs saying "Real Maryland Blue Crab Cakes!" You color with "Crowns", take a "Share" with "Wooter" and think the president lives in "Warshenton." You know the difference between Glen Burnie ghetto and Catonsville ghetto. Your whole family lives within a 200 mile radius of your town. Dale Earnhardt's accident was a close personal loss to your father At least one man in your family is a waterman You plan for "The Festival" a year in advance. During the summer, you spend more time in Ocean City than at home. Margret Heater, Hedspace, Jepetto, Outside Joke and Mary Prankster are people you think are "Famous" Your radio dial is stuck on 99.1 You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Maryland. |
